“where exactly am I to go?”

It’s a Tuesday morning the 4th of June I am simultaneously tying my tekkies and starting a prayer. I am reminding myself I am not going to my hospital visit alone, God is going with me. Before this reminder, I felt a wind of worry touch me, hence a reminder 🔔that I haven’t been showing up at life and to the usual doctors appointments by myself. I have been supported, and today the Lord is supporting me, again. Strange! Because I usually am a big girl and barely overthink these visits, I rather take them as a break from work.

I arrive at the hospital. I go for an X-ray for my right hip as instructed by the rheumatologist on my previous visit. I get the results, I head to the rheumatologist clinic/ section at the same hospital. I am called in to see the doctor. I am examined and I answer the questions. The doctor takes the X-ray sheets and heads out for a while. He returns and explains to me while showing me, that my left hip is perfect and my right hip joint is pretty much non existent. Somehow, it’s penetrating through the pelvis. 

I am told this is the reason I am in so much pain and been limping for months. We discuss the causes: steroids and JIA. We also discuss way to manage the situation now, and in the future and foreseeable complications there of. 

Listen, I was maintaining the big girl aura. But honey, in less than 10 minutes I was fighting so hard to hold back the tears in that office while the doctor writes further reports and referral. He explained what he was writing , handed me the papers and asked me if am okay since I looked distant. You know that laugh one does that sound like a start of a cry. I said I was fine, laughed once, out loud and received my reports while facing down hiding away as I didn’t want him to see I was falling apart. I sat on the couch outside the office a bit. Confused about everything he said. Especially about where he was referring me to and where to take the written reports. 😂💔 Now that I am thinking about it, it would have been better to have someone’s support in this moment. The day before I stopped my mom from coming with me. Anyways, I digress. Recap >>>

I left the clinic not knowing where to go because I didn’t hear what the doctor said in the last half of the session. So I gathered myself, went back in there and asked “where exactly am I to go?” See why I needed someone physically accompanying me??

I had two places to go to from there rheumatologist clinic. That is the orthopaedic and to go for a hip ultrasound. The orthopaedic will assess the damage on the collided bones that’s why the referral. The rheumatologist did mention a hip replacement in the future so detailed assessments on the joints by the rheumatologist and detailed assessments on the bones by the orthopaedic is necessary. But he mentioned we’ll try injecting the joint first and see how am responding to that. Definitely highlighted the fact that a replacement is not completely avoidable, “it’s a future event” he said. 

I saw the orthopaedic on the same day. I was told to come again, see a specialist on the 18th of June. 

Let me tell you something, I am confused about life entirely in this season. Am not sure about the future of my career, I am puzzled with my medical reports. It’s not giving what I expected/ foresaw. I am fasting now for clarity and direction, and health. I love the calming feeling that comes with dependence on the higher power. I am on day 2/7 and I love the hope and attitude we have here, less fear more trust. It feels like everything is going to be okay when I focus on the promises of God. Don’t get me wrong I still cry when am overwhelmed and I’m in too much pain. Ohh, but the perfect peace. ❣️-Isaiah 23:6