I was tucked in my mother's bed the Friday afternoon on the 5th of July thinking to myself how am i getting back to work when my body has been sore before the school holidays and its rather getting worse after a three weeks holidays. I cried and sobbed thinking about the decision am about to make: a decision to resign and rest for the remainder of the year. At the time these were my thoughts. I reached for my phone under the pillow, i started texting my principal Mrs Nel narrating to her what i have been going through and what my decision is moving on. She was understanding and asked that i email the resignation and said a few kind words. On Monday morning the 8th, i emailed my resignation letter. The peace i felt after clicking send... I felt relieved that i can now focus on one stress, that is my health. I teach at a high school, and you can imagine my life and being overstimulated on a daily. I am grateful for every opportunity God granted me to open my heart and pour into teenagers.
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On the 9th i woke up to a dream where God told me to fast for 21 days. I stated fasting, excited God is going to do something for me. To my surprise i had visions about people i need to pray for. I would wake up and obey as the Holy Spirit instructed. One of the days i decided to go to Bloemfontein and visit the roadmap ministries for prayer since my health keeps on deteriorating. I booked accommodation and went with my mother on the 26th, registered for prayer on the 27th and on Sunday during the service i was prayed for. The word, the scriptures as proof texts... unbelievable. That is what God has been speaking to me about. To trust in him with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding. To pray the Lord's prayer since i don't always know what i need or ought to pray for. The scripture 'do not be anxious about anything but with prayer, supplication and thanksgiving make my requests known to God.' The scripture that says, 'ask me and i will show you great and mighty things you do not know about'. The entire message of the sermon is what God recently spoke to my heart about. I was shocked... i felt like God was there for me, nothing else but me. The best feeling ever.
Before i was prayed for Apostle David Ponyane said i should repeat after him and this is what i said "Lord locate me in your mercy, locate me in your mercy Lord, locate me in your mercy. Locate me in your Favour Lord, locate me in your favour Lord, locate me in your favour. Heal me Lord when you heal other, Heal me Lord when you heal others, heal me Lord when you heal other. Bless me load when you bless other, bless me Lord when you bless other, bless me Lord when you bless other." He then asked me "who is the healer?" i said "Jesus is the healer". He prayed for me, when he was done i felt light in my body, i was in no excruciating pain as before. i usually feel heavy but from that money i felt light in my body. My little heart was dancing with gratitude.
When i resign i didn't tell my mother immediately, until after a week. My reason was she was going to try stop me and be my motivator when at the time what i needed was rest. I have been living with RA for the past 14 years. my entire teenage/ high school years, my entire varsity years i lived with sore, inflamed joints. I've repeatedly visited the hospital, swallowed medicine, had my joints injected and had drips infused in my system. It wasn't a new experience/ a new pain that made me leave my teaching job after 5 years. My mother still thinks i made a mistake, but i didn't. She has regrets on my behalf but i am at peace trusting God to take care of me and still provide. He is my cup, he holds my lot. The daily bread comes from him, everything good comes from God. After all he is my father and the bible repeats 365 times " do not fear".
I am still taking my medication. The hip that am booked a replacement for, gets super sore at night and anytime really of the day. I am afraid as much as the pain is better and i don't feel pain when am just chilling except for when am moving obviously due to the collided bones am going to have to do the hip replacement. But i will always be faithful and trusting God to come through for me. Write now i am looking for a job outside education, something my body can handle and something different really. I trust God's timing. I am super grateful for my sister, She's been supportive of my decision from day one and make it her business to help me when i need help. My mom on the other hand she still dosn't understand shame. She doesn't get it. She thinks i made the the biggest mistake of my life and that my life is over. But it is all well. One day i will make her proud again.
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I come back to say mom finally understands, she’s supportive and agrees this was the best decision for the current time. As for Papa God He’s still proving and sustaining my life. I am super happy and at peace.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mel 🧡