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Rediscovering/ Redefining "SELF"

 29/01/2023

Finally, it clicked 💡 i am pretty much still myself! 

I have just been feeling deeper and longer. For a while i did not quite get it to why i feel longer now than when i was 24 and younger. Perhaps it is part of the package that arrived with age 25. For two months i have been feeling distant, out of touch with myself. I have been feeling confused and unhappy irrespective of the events of the day.

I always thought of myself to be the "always" peaceful, calm, joyful, happy, free, getting over stuff easily, with no apology offered , with no disappearance of a problem. I thought that is who i am... However, i have been  feeling so much of what i never thought myself to be.

I have thought repeatedly and said  "i am not myself lately". The truth is i am myself i just happen to be assessing situations and events happening in my life a lot more; longer and deeper than in the previous year(s). Because this is new for me and unintentional it lead to confusion on how i feel about myself and who i am at present. Thoughts on who i thought self is, and supposed to be are currently challenged, necessarily so. It is making sense to me now; that it should not be "a problem". It is just growth happening in me.

Growth is anything new happening in us.

There is nothing wrong with me when i feel longer than before. There is nothing wrong with me when i question what i once accepted. There is nothing wrong with me for easily being emotional instead of easily getting over stuff as in the past. It is all an indication of where i am. I understand now, that i am not distant to self, i am actually more in touch with self. I understand now that i am not necessarily what i feel, i am my character, i am my heart.

Life: Life is each day gifted to us. Life is also the events each day delivers to us. Life is also the decisions we make to create chances. 

I hope to give my best in an authentic way possible, and i acknowledge my best today is not my best yesterday and tomorrow. 



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