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Wholeheartedly I choose to show up for me too

Today it came to me, a sudden agreeable thought that said, I will show up wholeheartedly for me too. I will believe I am capable of great things. I am choosing to partner with God in taking care of me too by believing everything God said in his word about me and seeking more of his truth and seeing myself the way he does.

This came after I thought about my life, how I show up with passion for others and how diligent I have done my work for the past 5 years. I am intentional and it is my duty to take care of others. Whether by being kind to them or by actually helping their situation. Thus, making their situation better. I believe my call here on earth is to show the love and kindness of God which is the reason I do everything with passion, as unto the Lord Colossians 3:23. 

When I was a teenager and when I stepped into my early adulthood I would do everything it takes to look after others but me. I was always patient with others. It always has been natural for me to love others intentionally. This meant I was careful how I handled the next person. I always wanted the best for others. When it came to me one day I was sick, so sick man and my commune mate needed help with something academical I patiently and gladly helped even though I was falling apart. Instantly, after he left I heard the Spirit of God say “everything starts with you”. I felt personally attacked as I understood what that meant was I cannot give what I do not have. It should start with me. The patience, the kindness, the forgiveness, the support, it should start with me. I deserve to experience all of it too. 

From that moment I practiced to have a positive relationship with myself. I learnt to be kind, patient and supportive with myself in the midst of struggling with my health and having to show up at life. I am happy to let you know I have done well and grown tremendously in this area. Recently I resigned from work the person who matters the most to me is fighting to grasp the whole concept to the situation. Instead of me enjoying the peace now am worrying about the future because that is what I hear and am constantly fed. I recently wrote a piece “without love there are no joys of tomorrow” in the piece I explained how we live for tomorrow and never today, unless today has a special event and things are going our way or beyond expected. We miss out on being one with today even if today is ordinary. We miss the joy the happiness that comes with a new day. We are in a hurry to get and achieve the next thing. Since I wrote it I am frequently referring to that piece to remind me to be present, to find beauty in today even if there’s nothing special. I feel like it’s my season to practice what I wrote there, being passionate about each day despite the events.

Recently I have more time to spend with God, as a result am getting to understand his character. He is a gentle spirit, he has a good heart. Most importantly he is always calm, so peaceful. Learning this about him in a time where I could be and sometimes am loosing my mind it teaches me to be grounded and clothe myself with his coat of peace and gentleness. This has stress reliving rewards. I get to grow in trusting the father to take care of me and my situation. I am such a fixer and I struggled a lot with letting God control and take care of me. Sometime I act like he needs my help to get things done 🙈 poor little me, it’s the other way around actually. Now though, I rather ask for his guidance and direction. Proverbs 3:5-6 is helping me calm down and see what God will do for me. I think am balancing trusting God with all my heart and putting work to the faith. I don’t know okay, the most important thing is involving him in it all I guess. He knows better, he takes care of it from there meeting me where I am. In my state of not knowing it all. That’s why asking for his will is so important as per the Lord’s Prayer, Matthew 6:9-13.

I have decided I deserve peace, I deserve a healthy environment and I deserve kindness and support I have been giving. Now I allow myself to show up that way for me, by firstly being responsible for my thoughts and moods and allowing God love on me my believing him. 


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