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Scary 😰









Where the thought/ decision of starting therapy came from?

When i was a baby back in primary i wanted to be a nurse so i can help people in pain, i wanted to help sick people get better. I then grew up and was fascinated by different career options which nursing is non of them. I am a high-school teacher at the moment, i educate teenagers while i guide and care for them :) ; the most beautiful yet challenging job. The best part about my job is the joy and fulfilment i get from interacting with the young intelligent minds, the art of discovering who an individual is from their shared thoughts on a topic with no 'I' as a reference. The art of discovering a person without them sharing about themselves. I am three years into my teaching careers and while i enjoy what i do, i do not intend on teaching for life. A decade should be enough.

I have a heart for people and that is the reason i pour my heart in any interaction i hold with people . I care for their wellness and find the greatest joy from knowing someone is smiling because of me, my thoughtfulness towards them. I happen to have a high EQ. For two years i have been pondering on studying Psychology in the near future. I see it an a second door to taking care of others, playing a part in their wellness. By nature i always cared about the wellness of others i just struggled applying that into my life for a couple of years after i was diagnosed with RA/ RD [Rheumatoid Arthritis/ Disease]. I write about my struggles on the piece titled "i will give me a flower too when i am not okay" and on a piece titled "loving Mel" here on my blog channel. One day i heard my guardian angel whisper "you cannot share what you do not have" that is when it became clear to me that if i am to love it has to start with me, if i am to be patient with others it has to start with me. And so i learnt that i am deserving of being seen too. 

I desire becoming a therapist some day, i desire to continue living a life of impact. So, i cannot do it unless i sign up myself. To be honest i have my own portion of life's mess. This illness is kicking my a**, adulting in this economy is awful  and someone has to address issues instead of throwing them all in one closet only for them to come back rolling at me all at once uninvited. That can be very frustrating and painful. Just like the cry from struggling to find a perfect outfit, makes one really helpless. yeah...

Why scary? 

I have always found it easy dealing with my own pain without talking about it. I fear exposing the ugly parts of me. I fear being misunderstood and judged too. I've always been expected by life to be strong, so i know how to do that very well, especially around people. Do check out my article titled "strength v/s power". So, therapy is scary because i get to be vulnerable in front of a stranger. It's my choice this time because i want to have that person i can express my wins to and expose my pains and my failures to while i feel safe. Because sharing about myself in this way is a big deal i prayed asking God for a therapist that will handle my heart, my treasure in a way that i need , a way that aligns. Finding the right therapist for my life is important for me. Therapy is one big fear i am willing to confront.  

I made a few phone calls and i am looking forward to having a session soon. πŸ’πŸ˜Š


links to the mentioned pieces

I will give me a flower too when i am not okay : https://beautifulinallseasons.blogspot.com/2020/07/i-will-give-me-flower-too-when-i-am-not.html

Loving mel : https://beautifulinallseasons.blogspot.com/2020/09/loving-mel.html

Strength v/s Power : https://beautifulinallseasons.blogspot.com/2022/07/strength-power.html

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